NOTICE: (Updated March 5, 2010)

Beginning December 19, 2009, Books 'N Border Collies will be posting but only intermittently while I pursue personal goals. I plan to share some reading I'm doing, but there will be no reviews. I will, however, be sharing my exploration of vegetarian cooking and the cookbooks and websites I use to educate myself. I hope you enjoy it!


Monday, April 21, 2008

Cat Haiku

I need to make a public apology. I posted what I thought were funny Haiku lines in a comment on a very nice person's blog, and I think I may have offended her. And I'm really, really sorry if I did!! This person is a cat lover, as am I, and the lines I shared were from an email I received years ago that made me laugh hysterically. You see, my kitty Cleopatra (see my sidebar photo) was one of those cats that lived happily with us, but we were always pretty sure she thought of us as some bizarre sub-species. When I saw these lines of Cat Haiku, I could so totally picture Miss Cleo authoring them that to this day they make me smile. I share them now for all of you who have known these kinds of wonderfully superior beings! (And I mean that in only the kindest way!)

(And if I did offend my blog friend with my stupid sense of humor, please, please forgive me!)


The food in my bowl
Is old, and more to the point
Contains no tuna.

So you want to play.
Will I claw at dancing string?
Your ankle's closer

There's no dignity
In being sick - which is why
I don't tell you where.

Seeking solitude
I am locked in the closet.
For once I need you.

Tiny can, dumped in
Plastic bowl. Presentation,
One star; service: none.

Am I in your way?
You seem to have it backwards:
This pillow's taken.

Your mouth is moving;
Up and down, emitting noise.
I've lost interest.

The dog wags his tail,
Seeking approval. See mine?
Different message.

My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?

Most problems can be
Ignored. The more difficult
Ones can be slept through.

My affection is conditional.
Don't stand up,
It's your lap I love.

Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.

I don't mind being
Teased, any more than you mind
A skin graft or two.

So you call this thing
Your "cat carrier." I call
These my "blades of death."

Toy mice, dancing yarn
Meowing sounds. I'm convinced:
You're an idiot.

That last one was my favorite. Cleopatra was always incredibly not amused. :-)
Have a great day everyone!


Jeane said...

I've got two cats and have to say these haiku are pretty amusing!

Bridget said...

These are hilarious! I especially like the one about being stuck in the closet ...

Pabast said...

This is sooo true. It fits my cat, but we need a verse about cat and the computer. My cat loves to lay across the desk where my computer is so I can't access the keyboard.

Lezlie said...

I'm glad you all have enjoyed them! They've been archived away in my email since 2004, and every once in a while I dig them out for a laugh. Kitties are such their own unique being that they fill a totally different niche in our lives than do dogs. And I need them both!


J.C. Montgomery said...

Oh my Lezlie, these are great, although they leave me in tears as I remember my beautiful Mz. Cleo who I lost last not much more than a year ago.

They are good tears though - they come from happy memories brought to me by this post.


BooksPlease said...

I love all these, but especially:

"My brain: walnut-sized.
Yours: largest among primates.
Yet, who leaves for work?"

I have no doubt, cats are clever!

Like Pabast's cat, Lucy, my cat has a fascination with the computer. Each morning she has to walk over the keyboard, look at the screen and has even been known to switch tabs with her tail.

Lezlie said...

J.C. ~ You had a "Cleo", too? Cool! I'm sure you miss her as much as I miss mine. . . :-(

Books Please ~ Border Collies are usually ranked as the smartest breed of dog, but I often wonder how they would fair if cats were included. Cleopatra had our boys well trained! :-)

Anonymous said...

Love the haiku! I was laughing all the way through.

Lezlie said...

Stefanie ~ I'm glad I'm not the only one with a questionable sense of humor! :-)


zetor said...

These verses are so funny, I can see my cat here. I like them all.
Thankyou for sharing.

Lezlie said...

Zetor ~ You're welcome! :-)

Anonymous said...

Hehe that's awesome! The last one fit my cat Jaffy perfectly. Perhaps I should be concerned about my sense of humour too - I found this one the funniest:

Cats can't steal the breath
Of children. But if my tail's
Pulled again, I'll learn.

Thanks for sharing. =)

Lezlie said...

Jennifer ~ That one ran a close second for me, too. :-) Ah, well. Some of us are just a little more twisted than others. . . ;-)

Thanks for stopping by!